It's been that long since you've gone. I have pulled it together enough to keep on with life. I keep the pain inside and don't let my tears shed unless I have a quick moment to myself and my thoughts. And when I think of all the things I still want to tell you I feel the aching hurt consume my entire being. I don't know how we get on in our hearts when we lose someone close to us.
The thing is that no one ever knew how much I loved him and no one will ever know. I myself just realized the depths of my love for you when you died. And you know, it's not like I would ever swap my husband for you. I love him more and he is the most amazing man I could ever ask for, truly is the best person for me and the best husband, father, everything. He is my love. That said, I still feel an empty space in my heart just for you. It was because of you and our relationship that really molded much of who I am today. Our friendship although rocky and sporadic, was still one of my most cherished friendships to this day. And even though is was always and still is very much a secretive kind of relationship and friendship I still feel that we knew it was special and that's what really mattered.
It has been hard these last few months. The next rest of my life will be much the same. It isn't fair or understandable when people die so young. Everyone who welcomed you into their lives loved you more than words could describe. We all miss you with an unfathomable pain and depth into our hearts that hurts each and every day.
See you in the sunrise and the sunset my friend. Love you always.
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