Run, Samantha, Run!

It is day three in my Couch to 5K training program. I hurt all over. Muscles I never knew I had are aching and burning. And I have not felt better in a long time.

I had decided I was tired of just sitting around on my ass. I was tired of being so lazy and so complacent with my laziness. A friend of mine who lives in Spanway, WA has been posting on Facebook about running. She has been doing a few races and has really inspired me to just get up and run. So I did. I came across a program called Couch to 5K and I started in three days ago. In 8 short weeks I will be able to run for 30 minutes without stopping. I should be able to run a 5K easily. And I plan to. I am going to run in a race I found in Albuquerque that is in September which will be about 3 weeks after my training program ends. I am actually excited. I never really thought I liked running but I am enjoying it so far.

Today while on my run (which is currently set to be run for 1 minute and walk for 2 minutes and repeat 10x) I realized that the old, lazy me would have given up. I was having cramps in my sides and felt like I wasn't going to be able to go on. But I did. I told myself to just keep going. And I was proud of myself. I was actually thinking, "I can do this!"

I can't until my race!

Car Wash

My husband was going to be home yesterday after traveling a few days out of town. Just before his work travels he had spent three days out in Gallup doing a 24 Hour Mountain Bike Race. His truck was filthy. It's a black truck so it shows every little spec of dirt on it and believe me, it was covered in dirt. My truck also was pretty dirty. I hadn't washed it in months. So I decided since yesterday my husband was coming home and the trucks needed cleaning and me and my four year old son needed to get outside that we would have a car wash in the yard.
We got out the kiddie pool. There was lots of water, lots of soap, and lots and lots of sun! It was nearly 100 degrees yesterday and we spent nearly all of the day outside. I hadn't thought of putting on sunblock because I didn't think it would take all day to wash to cars by hand. I thought wrong.
But it was fun and me and my son had a good time. I got more exercise than I had anticipated too. My husband came home mid-afternoon and was pleased to see his clean truck, inside and out. And all of us even got into the kiddie pool to cool off with margaritas for us and Capri Suns for my son.
All and all, even though I later realized I was burnt on my back side to a crispy nugget, it was a great day. I was happy my hubby was home and me and my son had fun playing in the water and sun together.

Finding Peace

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 was day of Summer Solstice. My best friend invited me to join her at a temezcal in Los Lunas. I wasn't really sure what it was but it sounded interesting and given my current spiritual state I figured it had to help.

Here is the temezcal. It is a sweat lodge made from volcanic rock and cement with a cedar burning fire on the outside that heats the inside, kind of like a sauna. I learned there that it is for healing and cleansing of your mind, body, and spirit. During the temezcal the four directions are honored and the symbols of each direction. It was very spiritual and very relaxing with a great, warm, generous, and loving energy. The people that were in attendance and the healers and the leaders and cudanderismo students were all wonderful.

During my experience at this ceremony I felt a huge release. I cried, a lot. Quite recently I lost someone very special and very close to my heart. He passed away just a month ago. May 18th to be exact. I have been having a difficult time dealing with this loss. It is unfathomable to me that he is gone. My intentions during this temezcal were to ask the universe for help to heal my heart and find a way to ease this pain. I truly felt that my friend came to help me that night. I felt him there. I felt him hold my hand. And I felt he heard me say that I love him but I have to let him go. I have to let this pain go because it will bring destruction to my life. I can already see that. After last night I have already felt more at peace with his passing. I am trying to accept his passing into spirit and know that he is still here. He will always be with us even if I cannot touch him or talk to him or see his beautiful smile in person, in the flesh. He is always here in spirit.
At temezcal they said the greatest gift you can give the Universe, or the Holy Spirit, is your heavy burdens. Let the Universe carry them for you. It is too heavy and too painful to keep here in life so release it to Holy Spirit to take for you. And I felt a piece of my burden go last night. I felt a little lighter. I am working on giving it all up. I think I feel guilty. If I give it up then it feels like not caring enough, not loving him, not showing my heartache and turmoil over this loss and that seems wrong. It seems like the best way to show how much I loved him is in how devastating and painful and depressed I am over it. And I think I know that I can be devastated. I am depressed and I am in pain. But I can give it up. I can release it and cry and feel and then give it up to the Holy Spirit to take from me so I can keep living. And I know Ryan (my lost friend, a true love of mine, a piece of my heart), I know he would want me to keep living and to be happy and to know that he is always here.
I am thankful my best friend took me to temezcal. I will be going back whenever they have it again. It is the place where I feel most connected to my heart, the earth, the universe, and spirit. I am happy I have found this place. I am feeling peace.