Mix n Mash

Hello Blog. Long time no see. It's been very hectic as life usually is. Started back into the work force. Mom's classes haven't been filling up, cancelling, hair appointments are sporadic and inconsistent. Daniel and I had used up all our savings and had been using credit to help live life. Dad's job is uncertain on it's longevity as the building industry is still very hurt by the economic crisis that's been shaking the country for years now. So, I headed back to work. Mom watches the boys every day while I work from about 6am until anywhere from 3:30 to 4:30pm. I love my new job and the company I work for. I enjoy the work and I am happy contributing to the household and helping pay the bills. But the work hours are long and I'd make them longer if I could. But I have to come home and see my family at some point. It leaves very little time for writing or reading or any other of the fun stuff I enjoy. Running has become almost obsolete on my schedule which is really awful. I signed up for the Albuquerque Half Marathon that is in about three weeks. I don't know if I'll be ready. NO, I will be ready. But it is hard for me to leave work and go train. I get sucked into the projects and issues that need resolving at work and before I know it the hour and half which I should have been training I end up working.
I also have signed up for the Jemez Mountain 50K trail race in the Jemez Mountains which is on May 19. I signed up and set my goal high because it's on Ryan's birthday and the day after he died one year ago. I saw the date of the race and knew in my heart I had to do it. But again, the training has been very poor and I'm concerned about being able to make it half way much less the whole 30 miles. I had a 10 miler a few weeks ago and that went awful. I didn't even finish. The weather was shit though and Ashton was racing his first Kid K so I wanted to make it back to see him rather than suffer through the wind and dirt another 4 miles.
Today Daniel is in Gallup pre-riding the race course out there for some MTB race he is doing soon. Mom and Dad are out and Ashton is spending the weekend at Grandma Trujillo's house. So it has just been me and Travis today. Wow, it has been wonderful. So much less stressful. Ashton is so high energy that it really just takes all my patience to just not blow up at him because he is always going, always moving, always (and I mean always) talking. Ash and Daniel both need lots of attention and need to be entertained or have a project going or they just don't know what to do with themselves. I feel like I've always got to keep up go, go , go mode just to keep them from making me crazy. And Travis, well, he is my little sweetheart. He just does his own thing. He will participate with everyone else as it suits him and has attitude like you wouldn't believe. All you need is a look from that kid and you know either he is up to something or that you have seriously pissed him off. But he's also a cuddle bug and I love it.  Today was easy just me and him. I loved it.
I have even found a half hour to sit down and just blog my little mind away.  This could be nice to do everyday. Ha ha ha. I don't even know how I'd find extra half hour that I'm not completely wasted tired to write so today I'm totally taking advantage.
It's been so beautiful outside. I am in love with Spring time. The days get longer. The sun is out. I can sit outside and just soak up the sun in my bathing suit, enjoy a cold beverage, run in the evening, and be totally happy with that day.
I am feeling pretty good today. Daniel has been making more money at his new job and will be getting bonuses and commissions which are helping us get out of debt. Today I went shopping and it wasn't even a worry about if there was any money to spend. I actually could go to the store and buy stuff, fun stuff, and not be completely strapped for cash until next pay check. We've been able to help give Mom and Dad a little extra here and there. Buying groceries doesn't put us in debt. We actually have money after we get paid. And best of all we're well on our way to paying off our debts. I can see the light at the end of our financial tunnel and it's freakin' glorious. So that right there puts me in a good mood. Like I said, I got to go shopping. That puts me a great mood. I bought two paid of lightly used designer jeans which were both fifty percent off plus the store was have promotional additional fifteen percent off everything. I was able to buy my sister-in-law a great Cole Haan purse for her birthday tomorrow and I even got to get myself a new purse while I was there. It was phenomenal.  Travis and I went to lunch together and had cheap Chinese food which was delicious and filling. And when I came home I was still in love the purchases I had made today.  The sun is shinning. Baby is sleeping. I am going to get some cleaning done next. All these things make me feel good. And I'm happy to be feeling good again. I am happy to be feeling hopeful and like myself again. Sometimes I just need a day myself to do whatever I want and to enjoy the goodness that is around me. And as I take in a deep breath and fill my lungs with happiness I feel love.
One love. Happy Day.

Working Momma

As the country goes to hell in a hand basket we are feeling the crash of the waves of the 1% ruling the USA. We've been feeling it for a long time now. My husband has been looking for work away from the construction industry since there is nothing being built anymore. My father is worried he may not have any work soon as he works in the building industry too. My mother hasn't had a class scheduled in months because attendance is down so low in all classes. We're all feeling the pinch. Just a couple weeks ago my husband got paid we literally had negative amount of money to live on for two weeks after the bills were paid. We couldn't really afford groceries anymore. And with four adults, one toddler boy, and a baby boy all needing to eat a minimum of three times a week... well, we were in need of more income.

It was good-bye to my life as a stay at home mother and time to get back into the workforce. I am very lucky that within days of applying for a few positions I had a job. A week after applying I was walking into an office to start earning the bucks to help keep my family afloat. My mother has been watching my children while I go to work. It's taking a toll on her. She is tired. It's been a week and half. But we all have to make adjustments. We have to work together to stay living life. In a few years we will all have big ticket items paid off if we can only keep the income flowing. I try to keep positive. My mother's worry and constant freaking out kind of makes it a little difficult but I think we're going to be okay. We just have to stay strong and work hard. Ha. Work hard. As if we all haven't been doing that our whole lives and this is where we are. Broke and worried.

We are the 99%.

Reading Does a Body Good

I've been reading Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. It has been one of those books that I stay up late reading and when I put it down I feel inspired. When I read about these amazing, superhuman-like Ultra Runners I just feel like getting out in the world and doing so much more than I ever thought was possible. Speaking about running specifically for a moment, I just starting running four months ago. I have completed a 5K race in the middle of the pack. I am training now to run a 10K in four weeks. I am not doing so well as I haven't been putting in the miles like I should. But when I read more of this book and learn more about the famous and even not so famous ultra runners out there I am pumped! I imagine what it must look like to watch them run for 50, 100, or 500 miles. I can't fathom what that must be like. I try to read every tidbit of information about form, shoes, style, breathing, diet, everything so that one day I can run those long distances too.

And it's not just about the running. When I hear about people who have the dedication and desire and passion to run across the country or across a desert and put in hundreds of miles a week just running well, I take a look at what I'm doing and think I better kick it into gear! I have never felt so happy to run. I feel better about life when I run. I am not so moody after a run which I am sure my husband and two kids really appreciate because I can be an exhausting roller coaster of emotions. I push myself when I run. I mean, I could push harder but when I'm on the trail or path and it's just me and the sunset and I'm running towards it like if I don't get there then the world might end. It brings me peace. When I feel the air against my face, pushing the hair from my eyes, and feeling the ground beneath me...I feel peaceful. That is until my lungs or shins or calves start burning and then I refocus. But that is good too. I can be very in tune with myself and honestly I don't listen to myself enough so this is a good lesson in that.

I can't wait to keep on with my list of books to keep me learning, inspired, and on the road.

Thank goodness for literature.

You Will Be Injured

I have started reading quite a bit about running and runners and all that goes with the sport. I am also in process of training for a 10K that is in about four weeks. This will be my longest distance so far. I'm nervous. But while reading about these amazing, super human ultrarunners, I am becoming more and more inspired with greater goals to reach for. However, one thing that I keep reading and coming across is that all runners get injured. There is no way around it. You will be injured.

Well, this I know already. The first two weeks I started to run at all my knees were a mess. This is what they looked like after my husband taped them with Kinesio tape.

They hurt and ached like I had never felt before. The tape worked along with a regiment of Fish Oil and joint compound vitamins. And so I continued on with my quest to become a runner.

Just yesterday I made it to four miles. I had a break between mile two and three but I still felt good and like I was really getting the hang of this running thing. Then about half way through mile three I felt an uncomfortable pain start in my knee and it just kept getting worse. I stopped a few times to massage my knee. I could feel a big knot in there. I can still feel it. But I managed to make it all the way to mile four. Whew! I know I am never going to get better if I just keep walking during my runs. I take too many breaks in my opinion. So, I pushed on. Then I took an Ibuprofen and stretched and it by mid afternoon it certainly seemed better.

I had an appointment to participate in a focus group that evening at 5:30 and while sitting there I could feel it starting up again. Maybe the Ibuprofen had worn off. I don't know but it was slowly kicking back into Painsville. After focus group I headed straight for a concert. We parked pretty far out so as to miss the traffic after the show. I looked at my husband and said, "let's run there." It was only about a quarter mile but no sooner did we stop for traffic at about 250 meters did I feel that intense pain in my knee. The hill to get down into the Pavilion was excruciatingly painful to maneuver down as my knee just started on fire. To make matters worse, I decided to jump up and down and rock out all night on my bum knee. I had to limp all the way out and back to the truck with a stiffened straight left leg.  I called it my Pimp Gimp Walk.

Today luckily it feels slightly better but not much. I am supposed to be running three miles today with some sprint intervals at the end. I do not see how that is going to happen. But I gotta say that the more I am held back and the less miles I can pack into my week, the worse I feel. I think to myself that I am never going to be a long distance endurance runner at this rate. But I just have to keep on. I know it will come and that injuries come to all. I can't over train or run on injured knees or I will really end up hurting myself and not be able to run at all. And now that it is practically my salvation for sanity I just can't have accept not running as an option.

So here's to the injured runners. May we heal quickly and effectively so that we may run a million miles.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Four Months of Tough Days...

and many more ahead.

It's been that long since you've gone. I have pulled it together enough to keep on with life. I keep the pain inside and don't let my tears shed unless I have a quick moment to myself and my thoughts. And when I think of all the things I still want to tell you I feel the aching hurt consume my entire being. I don't know how we get on in our hearts when we lose someone close to us.

The thing is that no one ever knew how much I loved him and no one will ever know. I myself just realized the depths of my love for you when you died. And you know, it's not like I would ever swap my husband for you. I love him more and he is the most amazing man I could ever ask for, truly is the best person for me and the best husband, father, everything. He is my love. That said, I still feel an empty space in my heart just for you. It was because of you and our relationship that really molded much of who I am today. Our friendship although rocky and sporadic, was still one of my most cherished friendships to this day. And even though is was always and still is very much a secretive kind of relationship and friendship I still feel that we knew it was special and that's what really mattered.

It has been hard these last few months. The next rest of my life will be much the same. It isn't fair or understandable when people die so young. Everyone who welcomed you into their lives loved you more than words could describe. We all miss you with an unfathomable pain and depth into our hearts that hurts each and every day.

See you in the sunrise and the sunset my friend. Love you always.

Should be working, need to be venting

It's Monday. Oh, glorious Monday. On this day I have a huge list of things that need to get done for work. I should be working on them right now but I am so stressed out about all of it already that if I don't spend ten minutes ranting about the situation I might explode.

Being able to work at home and stay here with the kids is supposed to be rewarding. It is supposed to be happiness and rainbows and joy and heartwarming and all that jazz. In fact, I wish that when I work at home it looks like this ------------------------------------->>
That looks organized and peaceful and productive, doesn't it?

But you know around my house with a house that is in constant need of being cleaned, laundry that always needs to be done, dishes that are always piling up and needing washing minimum of three times a day, starting a business, paperwork to file, contracts and laws to write up, websites to build and maintain, marketing to put in place, funds to manage, bills to pay, checkbooks to balance, children who need attention, children who need food and diapers changed, and children who are always getting into something, screaming, loud noise, the constant loud noise of two young boys just existing, and their constant need to show mom something, all to be followed up with needing to cook three square meals a day for a family of six.... yah, my work at home life looks a lot more like this...

 ....and this

...and a lot of this





....and a bit of this.










And so while I sit here now listening to sirens blaring outside while some emergency vehicles go screeching down the busy road just south of my house, I try to focus and regain some sense of control of my day. I have to manage to many things that are all going different directions that sometimes I just feel like how could anyone think or say that working from home must be a blessing. "Oh, you work at home. That must be so wonderful to stay home with the kids." Yah. Clearly you haven't had to work at home. And don't get me wrong. I love my kiddos. I also love work and accomplishment and getting done what needs to be done and it is nearly impossible to do with children. Back I go into the crazy world of stay at home and business all wrapped into one.

Go Mommy GO!

I did it! Yes, I finished my first athletic event of any kind in my whole life. I placed 130 out of 219 runners in the 5K event yesterday with a time of 32:43. I am pretty proud of myself. I can't wait to keep going farther and train harder so I can do longer races with better times. The most wonderful thing was seeing my two babies with my husband and my mother in law waiting at the finish line cheering me on with signs and yelling, "Go, Mommy, Go!" It was truly awesome and I wanted to cry a little bit.

Here's I am crossing the finish. Yay #412!

My brother-in-law and I after three miles of running.

Trying to get a photo with the kiddos and their signs.

Me and my oldest son, Ashton. I was so happy to share my race day with the family.